Wrestlemania 23 : The Official Preview

Yessir!! It’s almost Christmas morning and here is my breakdown and wishes for each match at Wrestlemania 23 at Fort Field in Detroit (Sunday 7 pm PPV)…

US CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Chris Benoit vs MVP

Even though this match is probably going to be too early to steal the show, I still think it could steal the show. MVP needs a big push and I wouldn’t be shocked to see him steal the US Championship on Sunday. This match seemed completely thrown together as an excuse to get these guys on the bill, but maybe they’re going to build a feud between the best pure wrestler in the WWE and potentially the newest bestest heel on the roster. In order to build MVP into the heel that he should and could be, he needs some gold. I would love to see him steal it.

Wishful Prediction - MVP in some dirty fashion

Safe Prediction - Benoit by crossface

Kane vs The Great Khali

I really don’t know what they’re trying to do with Khali. I think the original plan was for a Hogan-Khali match, but hey—we got the battle of the monsters. Kane has to win this–unless they’re setting up for a Hogan match down the road. But seeing as I don’t think that’s happening–I’d expect to see Kane take out the not-so-great Khali in the shortest and least eventful match of the night.

Wishful Prediction : They pull this match and replace it with the now defunct Flair-Carlito match that I had been waiting for….

Safe Prediction : Kane gets a big pop for pinning Khali or getting dq’d for chasing him with the hook. Either way, don’t expect much.
WWE Women’s Championship Match
Melina vs Ashley

What does this picture have to do with Melina’s in-ring prowess? Nothing–but stop being gay!

Both of these women are sexy as sh*t, but this match could be ugly. Melina is much sexier, though. And she’s a much better wrestler. I talked to her a few months ago and she was hungry. She wants to go down as an all time great heel and manager. She has serious aspirations in this biz and I respect the shit out of her for it. Ashley could be just as passionate. Who knows? Right now, though, she needs a lot of work–and I would be sorely disappointed if Vince tries to ride her playboy fame any more than he already has. It wouldn’t make sense. I cannot see what they could do with Ashley after WM, except have her lose the title back to Melina.

Wishful Prediction : Melina in a romp

Safe Prediction : A non-sensical Ashley steal with some help from Mickie James…

ECW Originals vs The New Breed

Hmmm. I can’t decide if any part of me is looking forward to this match. Well I always look forward to seeing Ariel hang upside down. I also definitely like Elijah Burke in ring. I really can’t call this match at all. ECW is just absolutely in the shitter to me. There are rumors that tag team titles will be added to ECW in the next month or so. Too little, too late. This brand is in trouble. Whether it’s hip hop or wrestling, underground cannot be manufactured. I feel for RVD, but the originals are on the way out whether they get over on Sunday or not.

Wishful Prediction - ECW is dismantled…

Safe Prediction - Elijah Burke pins RVD with some help from a run-in by Snitsky?? Who knows? Who cares? What’s next??

8-Man Money in the Bank Latter Match

Ok this could be really good. Let’s rule out everyone who has no chance of being a major factor in this match in alphabetical order.

Booker - I hate to say it, but I don’ t think the King will be making a big post Wrestlemania push. I think it’s time to drop the King and turn face, but don’t expect it. He’s the best and most consistent heel on Smackdown (Kennedy is on his way to taking that position, but they still can’t afford to turn Booker).

Finlay- He’s a great wrestler, but is losing heat by the second. And his outfit may be gayer than MVP’s.

Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy - I mean fine–they will be factors, but I’d be astonished to see either win. I’m hoping for them to take each other out in order to start a brotherly feud. I also hope Matt and Edge have a good moment or two.

KENNEDY…..Kennedy….anyone notice how much bigger he’s gotten since this picture??

So that leaves Edge, Orton, Kennedy, and CM Punk as the legit contenders for the title shot. Edge and Orton HAVE to take each other out in order to build the slowest building feud in recent memory. So yeah–Kennedy and CM Punk will decide this match. Kennedy will win and go on to challenge Undertaker again in the near future……or I’m wrong–and Edge wins to stay undefeated at Wrestlemania.

Wishful Prediction - Kennedy

Safe Prediction - Kennedy

Battle of the Billionaires Match
Bobby Lashley vs Umaga

I mean—come on.

Wishful Prediction - Vince cheats. Umaga wins. Donald gets his head shaved. It would be a huge story and a great strategy, but umm–it ain’t gonna happen.

Safe Prediction - Lashley wins in a decent match. Stone Cold stuns everyone in sight and shares beers with Lashley as Eugene comes out and helps shave Vince’s dome.

WWE Championship Match

John Cena vs Shawn Michaels

Now here we fuckin go! I’m so happy HBK finally “kicked John Cena’s head off”. I mean to be honest, it was a botched Sweet-Chin-Music. It was ok, but it wasn’t completely clean. Actually if you want to know what really happened. I was watching Raw about an hour behind real time and my lovely young girlfriend came home from work and laid down right on top of me just as this match was heating up. She looked and smelled really fucking great and one thing led to another and before I knew it we were making out as I hear the sound I had been waiting to hear for two months : “SHAWN MICHAELS JUST KICKED JOHN CENA’S HEAD OFF. SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!!” Thank God for dvr or I would have had to have cut things off with my girl. As it turned out, it was win-win.

Ok so what’s going to happen? Well obviously the show stopper will deliver. I’m a Bret guy. Straight up. I do not love HBK, but goddamn it if I don’t respect him as a performer. He will give us a great memory and I’m guessing he will job to John Cena in a blood bath (or so I hope). This is a great opportunity for Cena to really put on a great match and earn some much deserved respect. It’s also a great opportunity for Shawn. It’s really a great match and will probably be the best of the night.

One more time??

Wishful Prediction : Well my wishful prediction here is odd and very wishful/unlikely. Even though I like Cena more than Michaels as a character and a person, I’d love to see HBK get one more huge win (I’m even nostalgic with old guys I don’t like that much). Then I would love to see HBK and Undertaker feud for the renewed UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP. It’s not gonna happen, but man it would be an awesome fucking Summerslam build-up.

Safe Prediction : Great match. Back and forth. Sweet chin music lands. Cena gets up. Cena wins. And we have to continue to hear the King scream “THE CHAMP IS HERE!!”

World Heavyweight Championship Match

Batista vs Undertaker

I’m really siked for this match. No wait, I’m siked to see the Undertaker. No wait again, I’m siked to see Undertaker tombstone Mr. No Personality 2007. Hopefully Batista will not ruin this match, but he could. I know I sound like such a hater, but I just do not get Batista at all. It’s completely over my head (or under–if that’s possible). If Undertaker somehow loses (a possibility that I cannot even entertain) I will be legitimately upset and disappointed.

Wishful Prediction : Undertaker actually kills Batista.

Safe Prediction : TOMBSTONE!!!!!